Archive-name: letterman/faq
The alt.fan.letterman Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) list
Last-modified: Tuesday January 16, 1996
Version: 9.1b1
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
for the
alt.fan.letterman Newsgroup
From New York: Even our garbage is WORLD-CLASS
garbage...
It's the FAQ LIST for alt.fan.letterman!
with
Kevin Nagle,
the A. F. of L. newsgroup ...
and
FAQ compiler Aaron Barnhart ...
plus
Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra ...
and now ...
a man who broke his arm while NET surfing ...
DAAAAAAVID LLLLLETTERMAN !!
* * *
Top Ten Questions Asked on the A. F. of L. Newsgroup.
* * *
10. Where can I write to get free tickets to the Late Show?
ANSWER: Send a postcard (no letters) with your name and
address to
Tickets
Late Show with David Letterman
Ed Sullivan Theater
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
Requests are limited to 2 tickets. The _Times_ says that
"ordinarily, requests for specific dates cannot be accommodated."
Kevin- If you give them enough notice, I have found that requests
for specific weeks *can* be accomidated.
9. Where can I find today's Top Ten List?
ANSWER: You may retrieve today's Top Ten List by sending a
finger command to barnhart@well.sf.ca.us OR, if finger isn't
available, sending mail to infobot@infomania.com with this as
the SUBJECT LINE ...
finger barnhart@well.sf.ca.us
Kevin- Or you can visit CBS' official Late Show Page for today's top ten list.
8. I understand there is a mailing list for the Top Tens.
ANSWER: There is. To subscribe to the Top Ten List Server, please
send mail to:
listserv@clark.net
with this message only:
SUBSCRIBE TOPTEN Your Name
Kevin- Currently the top ten mailing list is down. You can still
subscribe, but don't expect anything to happen.
7. Is it true that the publicist who represents Calvert DeForest
and Mujibur & Sirajul is the same person?
ANSWER: YES I AM.
6. Can I send e-mail to Dave?
ANSWER: Kevin- The Lateshow does now accept e-mail. Click here to send a message.
5. Whatever happened to that NBC campaign earlier this fall to
portray Jay Leno as an up-and-coming battler whose eyes were
firmly set on first place in the late night talk show wars?
ANSWER: Maybe ... it's on hiatus?
4. Why did Dave select an old fart like Tom Snyder to follow him on CBS?
ANSWER: Because ... the _Last Call_ gang are locked into their
contracts?
3. Do Letterman's people read this newsgroup?
Richard "Shecky" Scheckman, the show's longtime film coordinator,
reads the group regularly.
Kevin- Also, now Susan Hall Sheean (sp?) visits the group occasionally.
Susan is the Pet/Human Trick Coordinator.
2. Hey, speaking of _Last Call_ -- what the hell *is* that?
Research has revealed that its core audience are third-shifters
who use it to keep from falling asleep. In particular, Tad Low
has been found more effective than frequent jabbings with an
electrical prod.
And the Number One Question Asked on the A. F. of L.
Newsgroup:
1. Can I get me one of them graphic image things of Dave?
I'm not sure what you're talking about, you sick demented
loner. But there is an archive for Lettermania at ftp.mcs.net;
complete details are at the end of this FAQ list.
* * *
Questions People Ask About David Michael Letterman.
* * *
Was Dave born to an actual American family?
On April 12, 1947, to Joe and Dorothy Letterman. Dave's dad
was a florist and had what Dave calls a "big personality. He
was loud and liked to goof off and say funny things and do things
to provoke you and get under your skin." By contrast, Dave's
mom, as we have all witnessed, "is the least demonstrative person
in the world." When Joe died 20 years ago, Dave said it was "the worst
time in my life." Dave's mom was church secretary for many years at
Second Presbyterian Church in Broad Ripple, Indiana, then a suburb of
Indianapolis, which is where the Lettermans (including Dave's two
sisters) grew up.
*
I understand that during his growing-up years, Dave was pretty
much, and I'm quoting now, a "dork."
Over 30 years ago, Dave worked during high school in the Atlas
Super Market, an Indianapolis institution even then. Caroline
Latham's book _The David Letterman Story_ shows Dave standing
next to an enormous side of beef. It is fair to say that in the
photo Dave looked "like a 16-year-old serial killer." In his
own defense, Dave has said, "I think there's something wrong if
high school is the greatest experience of your life."
*
Where did Dave attend college?
Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. He was a TV/Radio
major with a minor in speech, and pledged Sigma Chi. Some of
his frat brothers described Dave as very funny and self-confident.
Dave has been generous with donations to the university and was
largely responsible for the new Sigma Chi building at Ball State.
In 1985 he endowed the David Letterman Scholarship there, an
annual gift to a telecommunications major based solely on his
or her creativity, *not* grades.
*
Is Dave married?
Dave was married to his college sweetheart Michelle Cook, but
they divorced in 1977. For several years he and Late Night head
writer Merrill Markoe were engaged, but that fizzled and Merrill
took off for California and a writing career. Dave is presently
in a relationship with former Late Night staffer Regina Lasko,
who is keeping a separate residence in Manhattan, Dave says,
for privacy reasons.
*
I heard that Dave used to be a weatherman in Indianapolis.
From 1969 to 1974, as an intern and later a full-timer, Dave
worked for his hometown Channel 13 as booth announcer, host of
a Saturday morning kids' show and of the late-late movie, and
yes, as weatherman. Dave once reported that the city was being
pelted with hail "the size of canned hams" and he also
enthusiastically congratulated a tropical storm when it was
upgraded to hurricane status. Viewers of the _Late Show_ were
recently treated to some old weather-report footage brought by
Diane Sawyer, and here's what Dave said on the old report:
"Let's take a look at the cloud-cover photograph made earlier
of the United States today and I think you'll see that once
again we've fallen to the prey of political dirty dealings.
And right now you can see what I'm talking about: the higher-
ups have removed the border between Indiana and Ohio, making it
one giant state! Personally, I'm against it."
Didn't he have a radio show, too?
For about a year following his t.v. job. It was at WNTS, back
when it was all-talk. This gig did not go so well for him. "I
was miscast because you have to have somebody who is fairly
knowledgeable, fairly glib, possessing a natural interest in a
number of topics," he later told an interviewer. "That certainly
is not me. I don't care about politics. ... The Nixon-Watergate
nonsense was the perfect example of something about which I knew
nothing and couldn't have cared less." So Dave got bored and
started making stuff up. According to Caroline Latham, one time
"he told his listeners that their beloved 230-foot-tall Soldier's
Monument ... had been sold to the island of Guam, whose government
planned to paint it green in honor of their national vegetable,
the asparagus." >>> It has been rumored that Dave got
fired for his on-air remarks at Channel 13 or WNTS. In fact, the only
place he ever got yanked from was Ball State's pathetic ten-watt
all-classical campus radio station.
*
What else can you tell me about Dave's career in show bidness?
As you may know, when Dave arrived in Hollywood in 1975 he found
work as a comedy writer for Jimmie Walker and Paul Lynde, and
as a player on Mary Tyler Moore's short-lived variety show.
Because of his friendship with Allen Ludden (I am not kidding),
Dave landed a guest-star spot on Dick Clark's _$10,000 Pyramid_
and Ludden's own _Liars' Club_ (as a "guest celebrity"). In
his career, Dave has also played a Werner Erhard-alike in an
episode of _Mork and Mindy,_ made several appearances in _Open
All Night_ (a t.v. show which lasted the season between the
morning and late-night shows), appeared in a murder mystery
called _Fast Friends_ that starred Dick Shawn as a talk show
host who drops dead and is replaced by Dave, made a cameo in
_The Building_ (yet another short-lived t.v. show, which aired
in 1993, starred Bonnie Hunt, and was co-produced by Dave),
played himself on _The Larry Sanders Show_ (he "leaked" to Larry
that the 12:35 show on CBS would be given to Tom Snyder, which
in fact turned out to be true), and made a movie cameo in _Cabin
Boy_ (1994), which starred Chris Elliott.
*
I wonder why Dave doesn't do more movies?
In fact, Dave was under contract to Touchstone Pictures, but
has since extricated himself from it. What happened was Michael
Eisner, the chairman of Walt Disney Company, signed Letterman
to *not* do movies for other companies. "Eisner's kid had gotten
ol' Dad to wrangle some tickets when Dave was in L.A.," recalls
Bill Jones, who saw Eisner interviewed by Bob Costas on _Later._
"Eisner ... got excited when he got there and saw the huge lines
and movie-premiere atmosphere. He's thinking, this guy is like
a movie star/rock star already. What could we do if we actually
put him in the movies? Delighted to find the next day that Dave
had no movie obligations, they contacted Dave's people. They
were shocked to find that our TV Pal wanted no part of any movie
deal. He was pretty sure he would suck, and told them so many
times. ... Dave suggested they go look at his screen test for
_Airplane!_ in the role eventually played by Robert Hays. After
the contract was signed, they finally did, and Eisner said he
turned white as a ghost -- Dave really was that bad." Eventually,
as Bill Carter reports, the contract was terminated and Disney's
money more or less cheerfully refunded. >> The name of
Dave's movie production company? Cardboard Shoe. He also had a
production company for his NBC morning show (1980) called Space
Age Meats.
*
What the hell is this thing Dave's got for Tom Snyder?
Dave was a big _Tomorrow_ fan and has claimed to have seen
between 80 and 85 percent of the shows (Merrill Markoe, his
live-in at the time, says Dave "revered" Tom). So although
strictly speaking he is the man who displaced Snyder in 1982 --
but give credit to NBC for pairing Tom with the execrable Rona
Barrett and turning the quiet chatfest into a noisy, garish
variety show -- Letterman has always said publicly that Snyder
ought to be on network television again. Bill Jones notes that
Dave has proven he is a man of his word: "Much of the first
ten Carson years of the Tonight Show were erased [1962-72, the
New York years]. They were going to do same thing to the Tomorrow
tapes after Snyder was gone, but they were stopped by -- David
Letterman! One of the reasons that ... Tom described Dave as
a true friend."
*
I've heard it said that had Dave gotten the _Tonight_ gig, he would've
abandoned the _Late Night_ format entirely -- not just honed its rough
edges like he did on CBS -- and done a show very much like Carson's.
The writer and infomaven Mark Evanier, who knows Leno, Letterman
and many of the people who work for them, says, "One of Dave's
current writers even told me he was glad D.L. didn't get the
gig because he thinks Dave would have dumped most of the staff,
moved to Burbank and done something that more resembled a variety
show." Yet it's hard not to draw the conclusion based on a year
and a half of _Late Show_ broadcasts that Dave *did* make a
significant change by switching networks and venues. He may
not do a variety show but whatever that is he's doing ain't the
old _Late Night._ Merv Griffin once said that all talk show
hosts must freshen up their format every few years. He said he
did it by switching networks and time slots, while Johnny Carson
did it by firing his staff. If those are the primary choices,
then it seems Dave has chosen to take the Merv road.
*
I have wondered if Dave was a recovering alcoholic. He had John
Larroquette on the show one night, who is recovering, and talked
about the days when he used to drink heavily.
Unfortunately, Dave is just the kind of enigmatical, jealously
private person that the media looove to speculate about. He is
not forthcoming at all about his personal life in this or any
other department. For the record, Dave used to drink a lot but
gave it up not long into his _Late Night_ run.
*
Who was the woman who kept breaking into Dave's Connecticut home claiming to be "Mrs. Letterman"?
Margaret Ray. And she still breaks in from time to time,
according to Dave in his January 1994 _Playboy_ interview. He
says he has tried to get her some psychiatric help, because the
state has let her case "fall through the cracks." But for now,
she's on the lam.
Should I break into Dave's home?
Oh, why not. Just be out of there by 10 p.m. when he comes
home. Also, our friend Jen Laurie recently cruised by Dave's
house (yes, she's still in college) and says that at the end of
his driveway on this big tree is nailed a sign that says, "These
premises protected by Security Attack Cats."
* * *
Questions People Ask About the _Late Show with David Letterman_ (CBS, August 30, 1993- )
* * *
Wait! I forgot to order tickets and I'm going to be in New York.
Are there standby tix available?
You may get standby tickets for the show each tapeday at the
box office at the Ed Sullivan Theater. Standbys are distributed
on a first-come-first-served basis, and are limited to one per
person. Standbys do not guarantee admission. _You must be 16
or older to pick up a standby ticket and attend a taping._ (Taken
from the CBS reply postcard to people requesting tickets.) B.J.
Gleason says that people start lining up for these tix *early*,
like 7 a.m. (Chris Lang says even *earlier,* regardless of the
weather, and our pal Tucks agrees: "The one time I tried ...
they only let in the first three. Those guys had been sleeping
on cardboard in front of the doors since 3:00 in subfreezing
temperatures. ... Now I know why part of the audience can be
_real_ giddy sometimes.") The giveaway occurs at 12 noon. And
Arthur Chin said he stood in line all morning for standby tickets,
was issued a number at noon, then was told to take the afternoon
off and report back to the theater at 5 p.m.
*
I've got tickets to the Big Show! When should I show up to get good
seats? Any other tips?
The tapings start at 5:30 p.m. Seating is on a first-come-
first-served basis, and lines begin forming as early as 1 p.m.
(Some attendees say come a little later, like about 2:30 or 3,
to avoid getting seated right up front, where one's view can be
obstructed by all the equipment.) >>> Wear
layers of clothes in winter. Hell, wear layers of clothes in summer.
The theater is freezing. (Dave likes it at 52 degrees F., or else, as he
told Bruno Kirby, "the jokes begin to spoil.")
Kevin- Also see my page "Pack Your Bags"-- my
personal tips for going to see the Late Show.
Some former audience members endorse *not* getting advance tix
but waiting in line for standbys instead, the advantages being
you have a lot more control over what day(s) you see the show
(provided the line isn't too long), and you'll probably get
balcony seats, which feature unobstructed views. Standbys
discussed above. But if you want any chance of getting on
camera, swapping gifts for t-shirts, or participating in the
fabulous prize giveaways, you need to show up early and get a
front-row seat.
*
Remember every night in the early months of _Late Show_ when Dave would get a standing ovation? Whatever happened to that?
Mercifully, the practice ended, headed off at the pass by Dave,
who realized that the gaudy spectacle of a standing O had become
an unwelcome addition to the new show. Nowadays, _Late Show_
writer Bill Scheft, when he comes out to do the nightly warmup,
advises the crowd that "we have already used up our 10-year
quota for standing ovations" and that if they want to stand up
for Dave, they will have their opportunity to do so just *prior*
to airtime. Sure enough, the host comes onstage at about 5:28
and gets a big ovation, gives out a canned ham or two, then runs
backstage as Paul and the band strike up the theme song. Freshly
purged of their standing-O, the audience behaves as it should
for the performance intro.
Kevin- Bill Scheft no longer warms up the crowd. A comedian,
Walli Collins, does the warm-up act. When I went to the show,
there was no mention of _not_ doing a standing O, but it seems
that the tradition has been killed off once again.
*
How are the nightly Top Tens put together?
Writer Jon Beckerman says: "Every day each (or almost each)
writer turns in a few topics. Rob Burnett (Head Writer) pitches
a few to Dave, who picks one. At about 2:30 or 3:00 we get the
topic for the night's list, and everyone turns in a page of
jokes (anywhere from, say, 5 to 20) by 3:45. Rob (selectively)
pitches jokes to Dave and composes the list from jokes that Dave
approves. As you can see, it's pretty last-minute."
*
Is there any specific reason why audience members have to be 16
or older?
Each evening an audience member is chosen to drive Dave home.
*
What is the address for the Letterman show?
Late Show with David Letterman
Ed Sullivan Theater
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
Remember, there's a different address for tickets (see above).
Kevin- Don't forget, the Late Show e-mail box
will accept submissions for the CBS mailbag too! Just put "CBS Mailbag"
in the subject line.
*
Has anyone else noticed that the show seems to be running a little
long?
Perfectly normal. The show runs from 11:35:00 pm till 12:36:30
pm Eastern time.
*
The audience laughter sounds sort of canned.
First of all, the theater is heavily miked. Second, there is
a deliberate push by the production staff to give the show more
energy, in part because that's the way Dave feels he's going to
inherit the mantle of Johnny, in part because the Ed Sullivan
Theater is so cavernous the show simply cannot accommodate the
range of volume levels that were acceptable back at NBC's shoebox
Studio 6A. Donz5 adds: "I remember that the closeness of the
studio and the state-of-the-art sound caused deafness among half
the audience. There were speakers UNDER the seats. (Which may
explain Chris Elliott a little bit.)"
*
These days the show seems to have some pretty noticeable edits made to
it on a regular basis. I don't remember the program being edited for
time quite so much back at NBC.
Maybe, although you may have been conditioned to think that way
since, after all, a show in which the host is continually asking,
"How are we doing on time?" which became something of a mantra
back at _Late Night,_ must if nothing else be a show that runs
on time, right? Ohhhh, guess again, Pepe. Our pal Mr. Donz5
provides this eyewitness account: "The first show I was lucky
enough to attend was in 1984. There was a recurring shtick before
each segment (or after, I forget which) where a model sang some
insipid song. But the show ran too long, and every bit with the
singer in it was taken out when it broadcast that night. Shows
are routinely edited for that very reason: it went on too long."
Kevin- Occasionally, the Closed Captioning is done *before* the
final edits. When this happens, you can turn on the captioning on
your TV and "read" what happened! I have "seen" dave say--
"What the hell happened? Let's try that again."
*
Does the Microphone on Dave's Desk actually work, or is it just a
prop?
Yes, the microphone (an old RCA DX 77) does work, but is usually
reserved for special occasions, such as when Dave is "playing
along with the band" by hitting it with a pencil. The crew at NBC gave
him the mic when he left. Dave's primary mic is the
wireless "tie-clip" variety. (Thanks to Mark Weber for asking
and Michael Delugg for answering.)
*
You know that billboard painted on the backdrop directly behind Dave
when he does his monologue? Is the face on there that guy from the
Church of the Subgenius?
Chris Lang: "Yes, it's definitely J.R. (Bob) Dobbs, the Avatar
of Slack hisself."
*
What time do they tape the show?
From 5:30 to 6:30 pm, Eastern time. Says Dave, "Everything I
do is designed to help me do the best job I can between 5:30
and 6:30." The thing is done live, as Dave has always felt the
energy would drain out of the show were everything subject to
retakes.
*
Why are there *two* guest chairs?
Siskel and Ebert.
*
What kind of ratings is the big shoo getting versus Jay et al.?
For the season, Dave averaged a 5.8 rating, Ted Koppel a 5.0,
and Jay Leno 4.4. That is, 5.8% of all t.v. homes in America
were watching Dave -- this despite the fact that at season's
end some 10% of t.v. markets were making their viewers stay up
later than the "live clearance" time (11:35 Eastern/Pacific,
10:35 Central/Mountain) to watch him. At season's outset on
August 30, 1993, the non-live clearance figure was nearly three
times that, so that for a good part of the season Dave was
beating the competition, as Robert Morton put it, "with one hand
tied behind our back." In fact, Dave has won EVERY week against
Leno, virtually every night. Ironically, Jay seems stuck with
an aging and less-sought-after audience, which was the knock
against Johnny.
Ted Koppel's _Nightline_ remains strong, and some weeks actually
beats Dave's show, but doesn't actually "steal" viewers from
him. Dave has essentially created his audience, ex nihilo,
using his comic genius, a top-tier array of guests, and snappy
Armani suits. >>> During the Winter Olympics, all CBS
affiliates were obliged to carry the Late Show at the correct time. As
a result, ratings averaged a blistering 8.8 for the two-week
period, and the night of the Kerrigan-Harding skateoff Dave
attracted nearly as large an audience as his opening night on CBS.
Kevin- Of course these ratings have changed-- I'll find some
current numbers and plug them in at a later date.
*
What are some of Dave's "Indiana-isms?"
From Tim Veatch --
o ask...or as we say in Indiana...ax
o Bush...or as we say in Indiana...Boosh
o extra...or as we say in Indiana...extree
o Illinois...or as we say in Indiana...Illinoiz
o Italian...or as we say in Indiana...Eye-talian
o mosquitos...or as we say in Indiana...skeeters
o nuclear...or as we say in Indiana...nuc-u-lar
o President Clinton...or as we say in Indiana...Pars'dent Clinton
o pumpkin...or as we say in Indiana...punkin
o show business...or as we say in Indiana...show bidness
o similar...or as we say in Indiana...sim-u-lar
o special...or as we say in Indiana...spay-shul
o statistics...or as we say in Indiana...suh-tistics
o veteran...or as we say in Indiana...vet'rin
o Washington...or as we say in Indiana...Warshington
o wolf...or as we say in Indiana...woof
*
The Late Show's home office is in Sioux City, Iowa. Has that town
decided to start airing Dave's show?
Yes.
Kevin- As many people know, the home office has now moved to
Grand Rapids, MI. The change occured after a caller to "Larry
King Live" asked Dave if he would move it there.
Kevin (again)- The home office has since moved to Wahoo, Nebraska after
lobying from the town.
*
I went to go see "Cabin Boy" and Dave Letterman had a cameo in the movie,
but in the credits they announced that "Earl Hofert" played the part
played by Dave. Who's Earl Hofert?
Possibly an uncle on his mom's side. Every now and then you'll
hear him use "Hofert" on the show. Also "Henderson."
*
I heard that the late Bill Hicks was censored once on Dave's show! They
never showed his act, and replaced him with some lame in-house comedian.
Well, it's true. On the night of October 1, 1993, comedian
Hicks (who died in early '94 of pancreatic cancer) delivered a
routine that, in post-production, was deemed inappropriate
for broadcast. Although initially co-executive producer Robert
Morton claimed CBS standards and practices had ordered the cut,
CBS later countered that *Worldwide Pants* had cut Hicks -- the
truth is probably that both offices agreed on the excision. In
a subsequent piece in _The New Yorker,_ Hicks complained that
Letterman's staff 86'd the routine because of attacks on
pro-lifers that did not appeal to the show's "mainstream"
audience, which Hicks clearly believed was a fiction.
Angus MacDonald, who was in the audience that night, has a
different interpretation of the events: "He did do a joke early
in the same routine that could be taken as being anti-gay ...
Basically, Hicks made fun of bigots ... [and was] impersonating
a bigot -- 'Those people have gone too far. We've got to draw the
line,' or words to that effect -- for a stretch of many seconds
during which there was virtually no audience laughter, though one
guy in our row yelled 'Yeah' in agreement to the excerpt above.
Creepy. Because no one was laughing, Hicks had the worst of both
worlds: controversial material that was not entertaining. The
rest of his routine, as detailed in the New Yorker article and
elsewhere, was well received. There was almost no reporting
about the gay joke, though, and I think the silence it induced
may have had as much to do with the excision as the attack on
right-wing Christians." >>> A recent special on the life
of Hicks airing on Comedy Central included interviews with Dave
and Morty, both of whom expressed regrets about the incident. Dave
said he felt even worse knowing that he won't be able to make it up to
Bill now that he's gone. >>> Incidentally, the 10/1/93
broadcast is the only CBS broadcast to have featured Dave as the
introductory voice-over, since Bill Wendell had gone home before the
decision was made to nix Hicks.
*
What's the deal with Teri Garr? She looked *terrible* since she started
appearing on _Late Show._ I heard she has MS.
Well, as Mark Samwick observed from watching her in the twice-
crossed CBS sitcom _Good Advice,_ "Her entire right side is
extremely stiff, her movements quite awkward, and she has a
definite limp. The camera shots try to disguise it a bit, but
it's definitely noticable." But she has gone on the record
denying that she has MS. Just a degenerative back condition
-- spurs -- that she's slowly rehabilitating from.
*
Who are the the members of the "CBS Orchestra?"
o Paul Shaffer, leader/keyboards
o Anton Fig, drums
o Will Lee, bass guitar
o Sid McGinnis, guitar
o Felicia Collins, guitar
o Bruce Kapler and Tom "Bones" Malone, horns
The first four players comprised The World's Most Dangerous
Band when Dave was on NBC. There was talk that the network
might litigate to keep certain items of _Late Night_'s
"intellectual property," including the band name, so the
boys came up with the classier (and somewhat in-your-face)
"CBS Orchestra."
What happened to funkmeister Bernie Worrell?
He left. It didn't work out. Anyway, you'll agree the band
sounds much better with a horn section, no?
*
Heyyy, knock me out with some of those great musical intros Paul and
the band have done over the years for Dave's guests.
Here are just a few. As Jon Pareles noted in the _Times,_ "[the]
CBS Orchestra seems to be prepared for an inordinate number of
songs ... it will try nearly anything." Such as:
o Prince's "I Want To Be Your Lover" for Kim Basinger
o "White Lines" by Grandmaster Flash/Melle Mel for Cokie
Roberts (thanks Malinda McCall)
o "Everytime You Go Away (You Take A Piece of Me With You)"
by Paul Young following "Top Ten Things Overheard at the
Lorena Bobbitt Trial"
o "I Am the Walrus" by the Fabs for Mike Wallace
o "Faith" by George Michael for Faith Ford
o "If" by Bread during Dave's throw-Wonder-Bread-at-the-
audience sequence
o "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds for Laura Dern
o "A Day in the [Dana] Life" for Dana Carvey
o "Thank You Falettinme Be Myself (Again)" by Sly & Family
Stone, as one of Dave's staff and his grade-school gym
teacher were re-enacting a groin rejuvenation exercise
o A Sam & Dave tune, when Sam (Donaldson) was on with Dave
o "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton following a Top Ten list
on the space shuttle Columbia
o "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" by B.J. Thomas
for Jay Thomas
o "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith for "Top Ten Things Aeroflot
Can Do To Improve Its Image"
o "It's Raining Men" (written by Paul Shaffer!) for Damon
Wayans (who used it for his "Blaine and Antoine" routines)
o "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night for Jeremy Irons
o The theme from "Three's Company" for "Top Ten Good Things
About Marrying Tom and Roseanne"
o "Shipoopi," from _The Music Man_ for "Top Ten Ways To
Mispronounce Jeff Gillooly"
o "I Don't Know How to Love Him," as sung by the Mary Magdelene
character in _Jesus Christ Superstar,_ for Mary Matalin (Joe
LaRose)
o And this prize from viewer Wayne Snell: "'Groovin' by the
Young Rascals for CBS newsperson Lesley Stahl (and I believe
also one time for actor Leslie Nielsen). The explanation:
when 'Groovin' was hot on the radio in the '60s, there was
a controversy that one section of the song, 'Life would be
ecstasy/For you and me endlessly', was actually 'Life would
be ecstasy/For you and me and Leslie'!"
*
I know that Paul is from Canada, but where?
Thunder Bay, Ontario. He was born there November 28, 1949.
*
Who produces and directs LSWDL?
Executive Producer -- Peter Lassally (a Carson associate)
Co-Executive Producer -- Robert Morton (aka "Marty Robbins")
before Morty ... Jack Rollins (and for a while, Dave was co-EP)
Producer -- Jude Brennan
before Jude ... Barry Sand (also produced _SCTV_)
Supervising Producer/Director -- Hal Gurnee (Now Jerry Foley)
Head Writer -- Rob Burnett
before Rob ... Steve O'Donnell
before Steve ... James Downey
before James ... Merrill Markoe (the original head writer)
Notable Ex-writer ... Chris Elliott
Notable Ex-writer ... Joe Toplyn (now supervises writers at the
_Tonight_ show) Notable Ex-writer ... Fred Graver (now producer and
head writer of _The Jon Stewart Show_)
Notable Ex-Visuals Coordinator ... Edd Hall (now the _Tonight_
show announcer on NBC and brother of Stupid Pet Tricks
coordinator Susan Hall Sheehan)
Kevin- The crew has undergone many changes-- I don't have the latest crew
list with me right now...
*
Boy, CBS sure pays Dave a lot of money.
Granted. However, given that CBS has sold out in 1994-95
advertising at upwards of $60,000 per spot -- *four times* what
its old late-night programming could command -- Dave is a bargain.
Or rather, he's a gamble that paid off. Also, take a look at
what other companies were willing to pay to get Dave. According
to the writer Bill Carter, Viacom would have dished out $50
million per year, given Worldwide Pants a huge show budget, and
made Dave the focal property, including possible special projects
for Viacom-owned cable networks (MTV and VH1). But Dave wanted
to be on network t.v. and so no offers besides the Big Three's
were ever seriously considered.
*
Is the Late Show closed-captioned?
It is. Scott Barvian says, "They obviously do the captioning
after the final edits are done; all the spelling is correct
and nothing is missed. They catch all of Paul's little
comments that [we] don't always pick up ... they even spelled
out Dave screaming in terror after picking up a hot towel
(OHHHH! AHHHH! JEEEZ!)." Jeff Zuk adds that sometimes the
closed captioning will even tell you what song the band is playing.
*
Gosh, I'm young and stupid. Wouldn't it be great to intern at the
Late Show?
There's a book that rates a Letterman gig as among the top 100
internships to have. But as it cautions, that doesn't mean
an absence of donkey work. "Several interns reported having to
fetch lunch for Dave ('every day it was the same pasta primavera
and vegetable soup') or whip up a snack ('Dave always had to
have his fresh pineapple -- cut in strips, not squares')."
Still, you could touch fame, like the Talent intern who wound up
finding wacky cooking lady Bev Tanner. Or, you might be asked
to call aspiring novelty guests and tell them sorry. "On hearing
the news, they would sometimes become angry or crestfallen
because 'where else can a person show off his potato chip
collection to eight million people?'" Don't expect much quality
time with Dave, no matter what: he is "cordial" when you
encounter him, but "aloof."
*
Is there some way to find out in advance what reruns of Late Night are
showing on the E! entertainment television network?
Call (213) 954-2750. Press 1 to hear the Late Night schedule for
the week (changes every Monday). The reruns are aired "seven
Daves a week" at 10 p.m. Eastern time. Or, check each week's
issue of LATE SHOW NEWS (see the end of this FAQ). In fact,
that's the course we recommend, because some weeks E! doesn't
even bother to update the hotline -- and wouldn't you really
rather learn that on someone else's nickel?
*
Let's say I want to be a guest on the show -- what should I do?
Directly from Dave himself: "I don't care who you are, I don't
care what you do. If you have four funny stories, you can be a
guest on this show. That's what we're looking for."
*
I've often wondered why Dave doesn't have guest hosts on his show the
way Johnny Carson always did.
Look where it got Carson.
* * *
Questions People Ask About _Late Night with David Letterman_
(NBC, Feb. 1, 1982-June 22, 1993)
[Sorry, I'm no longer accepting submissions for this area.]
* * *
What are the different cities where Dave's "home office" was
located during Late Night?
o Lebanon, Pennsylvania
o Lincoln, Nebraska
o Milwaukee (the first Late Night home office)
o Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
o Omaha (home of Arnie Barnes, who called in his own Top Ten lists)
o Oneonta, New York (the last Late Night home office)
o Scottsdale, Arizona
o Tahlequah, Oklahoma
*
What are the different types of "cams" that were used on Late Night?
o Amphi-cam (8th anniversary show at Universal Amphitheatre)
o Chair-cam
o Cow-cam
o Crash-cam
o Fig-cam (worn by Anton)
o Guest-cam (worn by Tom Hanks)
o Host-cam (worn by Dave, of course)
o Las Vegas Showgirl-Cam (from Dave's 1987 shows there)
o Love-cam (Bill Murray)
o Monkey-cam
o Sewer-cam
o Sky-cam
o Thrill-cam
o Thrill-cam 360
o Tiger-cam
*
What types of gifts did Dave give to audience members on his old show?
o Bacon
o Bagels
o Baked ham
o Beef
o Bug Busters
o Tom Brokaw stationery
o Cartons of cigarettes (handed out by Larry during a remote)
o Collapsible drinking cups
o Composters
o Edible plunger
o Fajitas
o French fries
o Frozen turkeys
o Gallon jars of mayonnaise
o Goodwill Games medals (given to audience members who asked
questions of Larry "Bud" Hussein)
o Handfuls of nickels from a big bucket
o Handfuls of watches from a fish bowl
o Hot towels (by Larry during a remote)
o Jumper cables
o Kentucky Fried Millipedes (actually a bucket of fried clams)
o Kielbasa
o Large squares of sod
o Late Night with David Letterman facial blotters (if you
were an *especially* good little audience member,
Dave would use it first)
o One volume of an encyclopedia set
o Packs of assorted GE light bulbs
o Pounds of hair
o Randomly selected prescription eyeglasses (by Larry)
o Roll of garden hose
o Selections of fluorescent lighting
o Six dollars
o Sponges
o Tee-shirts (Larry: "Bob Rooney, please give that nice
lady/gentleman two Late Night t-shirts")
o Tires
o Toast
o Toast on a stick
o _Today_ show coffee mugs
o Waffles
No, I will *not* attempt to list all the giveaways since Dave
moved to CBS and transformed the Ed Sullivan Theater into
"The Price is Right."
*
What were the films in LNWDL's Holiday Film Festivals? (1985)
o "With My Own Eyes," by David Letterman
o "But I'm Happy," by Michael Keaton (with Clint Howard)
o A film on PMS, by Catherine O'Hara and Andrea Martin
o "Dress Cool," music video by Paul and the band
o "Why Bother?" by Bette Midler
o Industrial video spoof, by Harry Shearer, Christopher
Guest, and Michael McKean
From the "2nd Annual Holiday Film Festival" (1986):
o "Feelin' in Love," David Letterman
o "The Iceman Hummeth," Michael J. Fox
o "An Audience of My Own," Diane Sawyer
o "My Day With the Stars," Jonathan Winters
o "You Kill Me" (music video), Paul Shaffer w/Teri Garr
o "Chris Elliott: A Television Miracle," w/George Takei
(aka Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek")
*
What are the different types of "suits" Dave has worn?
o Suit of Alka-Seltzer
o Suit of Lard (worn by someone other than Dave)
o Suit of Magnets
o Suit of Marshmallows (they tried to light the marshmallows
with propane torches but failed; eaten by audience)
o Suit of Nachos (eaten by members of the audience after
Dave was dunked in cheese)
o Suit of Rice Krispies (milk poured on Dave)
o Suit of Sponge (they weighed Dave, dunked him in water,
then weighed him again, but it was off the scale)
o Suit of Suet (Dave went into a cage of birds)
o Suit of Teabags (no, wait, that was Steve Allen)
o Suit of Vegemite (tm)
o Suit of Vegetables
o Suit of Velcro (Dave wore the soft part, then he jumped
onto a wall covered with the other part, and stuck)
*
When Chris Elliott was still writing for Late Night, what were
some of the characters he played?
o Marlon Brando
o The Guy Under the Seats
o Marv Albert
o Jay Leno (with large fake chin)
o Letterman imitation-- "Late Night with Chris Elliott"
o The Fugitive Guy
o The Nervous Guy
o The Regulator Guy
o Chris Elliott, Jr. (Morton Downey, Jr. take-off w/ lots
o' moles)
o The Panicky Guy
o The Conspiracy Guy
o Gerard Mulligan's baby boy, "Kevin" (complete w/ diaper)
o Jack Hanna of the Columbus Zoo
o Walter Murphy, "the man with the miracle mind" who had
memorized all the animals portrayed in that memorable NBC
fantasy-adventure series, "Manimal" (as this was early in
his career, Chris actually did a Harvey Korman trying to
suppress the giggles)
o Singularly unhelpful Radio City Music Hall custodian (Anniversary
show; thanks to Jim Lyden)
*
What is Larry "Bud" Melman's real name?
Calvert DeForest. And in fact, for intellectual property reasons,
Dave is calling "Larry" Calvert on the new show.
*
Who all have been the means of delivery of Cokes, etc., from the
vending machines? (Late Night)
o The Rockettes (and now on the Late Show as well)
o Members of the NYC area chapter of Mensa
o Carl Lewis
o Boy Scouts
o Marching Band
o Andy Grayson, trail bike rider, rode down the stairs and
jumped up on Dave's desk (w/the bike) without touching a foot.
*
How has Dave paid tribute to his erstwhile telephone companion, the
lovely auburn-haired book publicist Meg Parsont?
o Sent the "Three Amigos" to serenade her with Mexican
restaurant music
o Sent Billy Dee Williams over with a bouquet of roses, a
matching his-and-her set of his designer fragrances, and a
six-pack of Colt 45 malt liquor
o Closed off 49th Street so the Jamestown High School Red
Raiders marching band could parade below her window playing
"Happy Birthday" and spelling out M-E-G in formation
*
I know Bill Murray was the first scheduled guest on both Late
Night in 1982 and the Late Show in 1993.
Although recently, Dave told Tom Brokaw that *he* (Tom) was
"the first guest on our new show" (when Tom came out to
reclaim certain cue cards as "the intellectual property of
NBC").
Right. But back to Bill Murray in '82 -- what was *that*?
According to Dave, "Bill wanted to do something special, so he
was coming down early to talk to the writers and see what they
could come up with together. When he arrived, Merrill and I were
out filming a segment, and Bill showed up with about six gallons
of whatever tequila was on sale. When we got back, everybody
was s***faced, and it was dark, since Bill had decided the
flourescent lights were leeching Vitamin E from them and he'd
hidden all the lamps. Nothing was written, and the only
explanation I could get from anyone was, 'Bill was here.' When
we did get on the air, Bill decided not to do any of the stuff
we'd written and got an urge to sing 'Let's Get Physical' and
do aerobics. So he did." >>> As a tribute to that
historical debut, Paul and the band played "Physical" for Bill's
intro on the first Late Show.
*
The wife and I were up last night watching Dave, and we got to talking
about the old show and that wild-eyed longhair freak who tried to
kick Dave in the chops. Remember that?
Yes, it's remembered for us about every three weeks, on average,
on the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup. For that reason we have
provided for the general public an annotated transcript of that
episode, from July of 1987, featuring guest Crispin Glover, on
the Letterman archive at ftp.mcs.net (see the end of this FAQ
for info). Thanks to Mark Schweingruber for the effort.
*
Say, is it true that Cindy Crawford was once bumped from _Late Night_
so that Dave could yammer with a guy named Herb Clumpy the Third?
Mm hmm. By the way, the name's spelled Klumpe, not "Clumpy,"
and he has become one of the regulars on the old A. F. of L.
newsgroup. Herb, who hails from Oneonta, New York, site of the
very last home office of _Late Night,_ was in the audience for
one of Dave's last NBC broadcasts on June 17 '93, wearing a
sweatshirt emblazoned with the letters ONEONTA. Dave was notified
before the show that a guy from the home office with a delightful
name was in the crowd, so upon entering the studio he opened
that evening's show with the line, "Tonight's program is dedicated
to Herb Klumpe III." Not only did the monologue go out the
window, but Herb and Dave chatted on-air after the break and
they exchanged sweatshirts as the alluring Miss Crawford looked
on forlornly from the green room. It turns out that Herb and
four of his enterprising friends also held tickets for the very
last _Late Night_ so, to commemorate his good fortune, Herb's
friends showed up wearing "Friend of Herb Klumpe III" T-shirts.
NBC staff spotted Mr. Klumpe and escorted him to the green room,
where he got to watch the final show with a gaggle of extree
special guests that included Tom Hanks and his wife. He is
living proof that Dave Letterman, much like _Late Night_'s
revered final guest Bruce Springsteen, can both entertain the
masses and brighten the lives of ordinary fans -- and in so
doing touch the lives of each one of us who watches his show.
[*dab corners of eyes with blue index card*]
*
Does Sid have a "running jones"?
Yes indeed. A full account is given in a _Runner's World_
feature on the longtime Letterman guitarist, who joined Late
Night in 1984. "Nike, upon learning that its Sock Racers [running
shoes] were showcased on Late Night ... supplied McGinnis with
as many pairs as he needed." Now that the shoe is out of stock,
"Nike has fashioned close facsimiles ... custom-made Air Sids.
'There are five million pairs of Air Jordans,' McGinnis estimates,
'and two Air Sids.'" The story also reports that at age 40,
Sid ran the 1989 New York Marathon in 3:14:44.
Has Sid *ever* missed a show?
Twice, says Donz5. "On the March 3, 1989 show, Paul praises
Sid for having missed only 2 shows. I checked, and, sure enough,
Sid missed show #679 (March 13, 1986) and #683 (March 20, 1986),
both shows subbed by Steve Kahn." These were during the time
Sid's wife was giving birth to their first child.
*
Other than Paul, Anton, Will, and Sid, who were members of "the band,"
later titled "The World's Most Dangerous Band" on Late Night?
Hiram Bullock was the original guitarist and Steve Jordan the
original drummer. Over the years there were also these occasional
honorary members:
Francisco Centano, bass
Neil Jason, bass
Marcus Miller, bass
Buzz Feiten, guitar
Steven Khan, guitar
Jeff Lee, guitar
Elliott Randall, guitar
John Tropea, guitar (it's true, Donz5 confirms it!)
Waddy Wachtel, guitar
Kenny Aronoff, drums
Charlie Drayton, drums
Steve Ferrone, drums
Steve Gadd, drums
Omar Hakim, drums
Allan Schwartzberg, drums
Rob Mounsey, keyboard
Leon Pendarvis, keyboards
Bette Sussman, keyboard
And Donz5 reminded me not to overlook frequent Thursday (later
Friday) guest band member David Sanborn on saxophone.
*
What's "the GE corporate handshake"?
In 1986, shortly after General Electric announced its acquisition
of NBC, Dave went with a camera crew and a fruit basket and/or
bottle of wine/champagne to the corporate headquarters in
Manhattan as a gift to GE Chairman Jack Welch. In one of the
most-talked-about moments in Late Night history, Dave and his
crew were met in the lobby by a security thug who told them to
shut off the camera and get out of the building. Being the
polite Midwesterner he is, Dave extended his hand to the security
guy, who in turn extended his hand ... then *retracted* it
without consummating the grip and release. This sleight of hand
is what became known as the GE corporate handshake. (The security
guy repeated this handshake moments later with Hal Gurnee, who
was accompanying Dave on the shoot.) The event is now remembered
as the turning point in Dave's relationship with the network
and its GE-appointed brass, notably the weasels in Burbank who
thought that Dave was too "mean" for the Johnny Carson slot.
*
I can't believe NBC just let Dave go because they didn't like his
personality.
As Bill Carter reports, one senior NBC executive was heard to
say after the Letterman-Leno debacle, "It was amazing to have
made that many mistakes in a row." But perhaps the biggest
mistake was the network's failure to chisel out a long-range
strategy for late night, which ideally would have been to coax
Johnny out of his job (a task eventually taken up by Helen
Kushnick, Jay Leno's longtime handler), offer Dave the 11:35
show, and tossed Leno, who might well have landed on his feet
bringing new fame to CBS, where his current 4.4 rating would
have realized millions in new revenue for the then-doormat of
late night television. Instead, Jay got a clause inserted in
his contract that made him the next _Tonight_ host; Johnny got
wind of it and quit; and Dave was left in the dust.
If there is a wildcard in this, it is possibly John Agoglia,
the president of NBC Productions and its "no man" in matters
relating to talent relations. It is true that Letterman made
life difficult for Agoglia, but the latter's weasely actions
were inappropriate even for a grouchy talent like Dave. After
all, here is a man who (a) threatened to bring Maury Povich's
show into Studio 6A every day if Dave didn't cooperate with the
network's stupid "Sunday Best" program, (b) bragged that he had
Dana Carvey locked in as Dave's 12:35 replacement, a flat lie,
and (c) even when instructed by his boss Robert Wright to
negotiate a plan to give _Tonight_ to Letterman, would not put
anything in writing. However mean Dave was to Agoglia on his
show, the NBC man returned it with interest later on. The
oft-heard complaint that Dave was not cooperative with the suits
reminds us of the mess the Reverend Martin Luther King got into
because he wouldn't return the phone calls of an undercover FBI
agent who was trying to reach him. Infuriated, the G-man went
to his boss Hoover and reported King as a troublemaker, and we
know the rest. Only thing is King, like Letterman, simply didn't
return calls from anyone except his closest advisors.
*
What's all this about an Australian version of Late Night?
There used to be a self-admitted knockoff of Dave's show, "Tonight
Live," hosted by Steve Vizard. It was cancelled in late 1993
and replaced by the first Australian broadcast of the Letterman
show. >>> And Don Maple writes from Germany to report this
Deutscheplunderwerk: "Started a couple of months ago. The show
is called _Nacht-Show_ hosted by a creature called Thomas
Koschwitz. A shameless rip-off with almost identical intro,
identical desk, (attempted) identical host behaviour, repartee
with the band leader, top 10 lists, etc."
*
What was the translation of the Japanese on the kites in the Late Night
opening sequence (1992-93)?
One said "Late Night," another, "G.E. sucks." Then, when NBC
announced they'd signed Jay Leno as Johnny Carson's successor
on "Tonight," a third Japanese kite appeared: "Jay sucks."
* * *
About this FAQ List, the A. F. of L. Archive, and LATE SHOW NEWS.
* * *
Where can I find this FAQ when I need it (i.e., later)?
Kevin- I will try to keep the most current copy of the FAQ here.
The FAQ is also via mail server. Send mail to
mail-server@rtfm.mit.edu
with the following line in the body:
send usenet/news.answers/letterman/faq
*
How can I contribute to the FAQ?
Send your submissions, questions, and comments to:
letterman@mcs.net
*
Is the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup available as a mailing list?
No.
*
I crave that late-breaking news about all the big stars, and what bigger
star is there than Dave Letterman?
Look no further, Sparky, because your FAQkeeper has taken
that matter into his own hands. LATE SHOW NEWS supplies
you with up-to-the-moment info from the late-night talk circuit
generally, and especially Dave's show. It will be posted to
alt.fan.letterman, rec.arts.tv, alt.zines, and
alt.tv.talkshows.late every Tuesday.
You also may subscribe to the LATE-SHOW-NEWS mailing list to get each issue
mailed directly to you.
To subscribe to the publication, send an e-mail to listserv@american.edu
with this message only:
SUB LATE-SHOW-NEWS Your Name
* * *
Sources for this Frequently Asked Questions list.
* * *
Beautiful People.
Well, of course, kudos to D. Keith Rice for maintaining the
list since way back, I think 1956, '57, before giving it to me.
For contributing to this list, Keith and I are indebted to Dean
Adams, Fritz Anderson, Greg Anderson, Ken Anderson, Jason Bak, J.D.
Baldwin, John Bartol, Scott Barvian, Laurence Bier, John Bonacci, Joel
Chan, Crist Clark, John Clear, Brian Conn, Marc Conte, Todd Cooper, Lewis
Coury, Richard Dawson, Matt Dittrich, Jef Dodd, Sean Donnelly, David
Eccleston, Susan Fanelli, Kevin Fong, Eric Fritzius, bj gleason, Mark
Goldberg, Rober Goldsborough, Norm Gregory, Chris Eliot Haroian, Mathew
A. Hennessy, Rachel Hill, John Hritz, Ben Jackson, Bill Jones, Doug
Krause, Ed Krauss, Lana Krotenko, Bob Kupiec, James Langdell, James
LaPlaine, Don Leaman, Jason Lindquist, Gord Locke, Robert Lopez, Lon
Lowen, Ian McCuaig, Ken McGlothlen, Bill McGonigle, Alan "Mr. Tucks"
McKendree, Leigh Meydrech, Shamim Zvonko Mohamed, Ken Mohnker, "Noel" at
microsoft.com, John Oram, Brian Peek, Marshal Perlman, Alan Perry, Tad
Perry, Dave Platt, Michael Regoli, Tony Rice, Tom Sakoda, Steve Shauger,
Bill Sherman, Jeff Shimbo, Jason Snell, Mike Southworth, Greg Sroka, Jeff
Stephan, Ben Sterling, Christopher Taylor, David C. Tuttle, Wendy Tyrol,
Rich Urena, Tim Veatch, Jeff Wilder, Mike Wittman, Eric "Beermaker"
Witmayer, Eric Wood, and the illustrious yet enigmatical Mr. Donz5.
Primary Print Sources.
"Is This Man the New Johnny Carson?", _Chicago Tribune,_ 1/6/80.
_Playboy_ magazine interviews, 1984 and 1994.
_The Late Shift_ by Bill Carter, 1994.
_The David Letterman Story_ by Caroline Latham, 1987.
"Stay Up Late" by James Kaplan, _The New Yorker,_ 1/16/89.
"Flying Feet & Fingers," by Peter Gambaccini, _Runner's World,_
3/92.
This article is Copyright (c) 1994 by Aaron Barnhart. It may be
freely redistributed so long as the author's name, and this notice, remain
intact. It may be distributed as long as no fee is charged for
distribution. If it is made available for downloading on a bulletin
board system (BBS) that charges a fee for downloading privileges, it
must be in a directory that is available to all BBS users, including
those that have not paid. If the BBS does not have any file directories
available for all paid and non-paid users, this FAQ must not be made
available for download.
.o ____~~~~_____~.
..( )....
( Remember ... ))
.ooo. ( . )
/ ))' \ ( it ain't ham, unless ) o.
{ , , } 'o ( )
( "_" ) ..o' (... it's a BIG ASS HAM .)
" .o. " .(. ) )
.---/\___//\----. .(.~~~ ___...) o
." .\ Y |. `. .o -------o.
: .\ ^ |. `>. ." ".
; \ /^\ t. e\. >" "
; | /^\ \ " `.. " "
: : /^\ | ./ "# B i g #
; h /^\ \./: ! A s s !
________\ "~~~~...._\/_V__!---------!________________
c,,,...a~~~=~ ` H a m '
"......."
(courtesy Tim Veatch)
--
Aaron Barnhart
Back to the Letterman page.
